Eh Haz, you talk about IVF so openly. Tak malu ke? Nak malu for what eh? Because I’m infertile and need medical assistance to get pregnant? No. I tak rasa malu terus. In fact, I’m proud of myself. I hope I have inspired others in my journey. I hope I have helped people understand what IVF is. I hope I have helped people get courage to go for a check up and fertility treatments. I hope I have motivated others.
When I was 20, I was diagnosed with Endometriosis. I think I probably had it even earlier but it went undiagnosed because everybody thinks period cramps are normal and if you can’t take it then it’s because you ARE WEAK. When my Dr broke the news to me the day after my first surgery, I was alone then. After she left, I sobbed like a mad woman on the hospital bed. She said my endo was stage 4 which means that it was severe. I had so many questions in my head but I didn’t even know what to ask. One of my questions was why is life so cruel? I’m 20 but I have a disease that could possibly cause me not to have children. How do I go on then? One of the worst things about endometriosis is that it’s chronic. It doesn’t kill you but it kills your spirit. I felt so alone then. Supposedly, it was something shameful to have. Anything associated with the female reproductive system = better keep it hush hush cos it’s so shameful. Nobody should talk about their periods and the pains etc. SOooo malu. Errrrr.. why eh? Why must be malu? People (including men) should be aware there are such diseases so they know how to help their wives/daughters.
There were no forums etc then. However, I managed to find the endometriosis association and went for one of their support group meetings. Everybody around me were in their late 20s or 30s. Somehow, I felt out of place still. So many times I cried because I didn’t know why my body is so stupid. I even had to take a jab to make myself go into menopause so that my endo would slow down. I remembered when my period came after that. I was a toilet in Suntec and the pain came and I cried in the cubicle. WHY? Why is this happening to me? Slowly, I learned to accept what I had. But I vowed to myself that I will let people know what endometriosis is. 1) There needs to be more awareness so that people will go for a check up if they have painful periods. 2) There is absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of. People need to wake up!
When my husband and I fell in love, I told him that I may not be able to have children. I even told him that it’s ok if he doesn’t want to be with me because of that. My dear husband told me that he’d marry me even if I can’t have children. We got married in 2009 and after just one month of trying, I told him we should go and see a gynae. We did and she discovered 2 cysts – one in each ovary. So I had to go for my second surgery. I was devastated but my hubby helped me through it.
We’ve been trying since then to have a baby but then decided that we need to take another step in 2011. We tried IUI and did not succeed. I was totally heartbroken. In 2015, after finishing our part time studies, we decided to go for IVF. It was quite a trying one because we almost failed it but we succeeded and I was pregnant with Saeed. I was very open about that IVF. I blogged about it, wrote on FB about it and told people about it. People need to be aware of their options. People need to know that there are people out there who have trouble having babies, just like them. I didn’t want to keep IVF hush hush, just like I didn’t want to keep endo hush hush. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I proudly tell people my son is an IVF baby. My husband is a very private person but he allowed me to talk about IVF because he agreed with me. There is nothing to be ashamed of! Plus, never underestimate the power of du’as by the people supporting you on your journey.
So yes, in case people are wondering why am I blogging/fb-ing about my IVF, here is the answer. 🙂 If you feel uncomfortable reading about it or menyampah, then by all means, please delete me.
I think I must have had endo for 20 years by now and I’m not going to keep quiet about it.