It’s been ages.
I’ve been meaning to blog but have been trapped in the vicious cycle of work + making up lost time with baby + sleeping as much as I can. I never should have laughed when my boss gave me an advice when I was pregnant – Sleep as much as you can. He ended it with a laugh and I thought it was a joke. Now I share this same advice to people! Bahaha.
So when I was pregnant, I had this image of me being a near-perfect mummy. I’m sorry to disappoint people who have never been mummies – but there’s no perfect mummies EVER. You make do with what you have and to the best of your ability. There are many things that I thought I wouldn’t do but I did. There are many things I thought I would do but I didn’t. Moral of the story? Don’t compare yourself to any other mummies. PLUS – don’t read/listen to crap. People have opinions and let them have theirs. Meanwhile, you do whatever YOU think is best for YOUR child. Ahuh ahuh.. You and Your child. That’s all that matters. Don’t sink into depression because of what people say. This is coming from a mummy who had to battle Postnatal depression.
Recently there was this post from a mummy who was talking about how she almost starved her baby. It’s amazing how days after that, FB was filled with many posts from pro-breast feeding and defensive formula-feeding mummies. Seriously! I think it was sad. We are all women. We all have gone through ups and downs so just let it be! I had stopped breastfeeding because I had to choose between being a mummy or going deeper into depression. I beat myself up for months because I was filled with guilt. It was self-destructive. So really, don’t ever go there. Do what is best for YOU and YOUR CHILD.
So how has mummyhood been?
Plenty of happy moments. Lack of sleep. Guilt. Giggles. A myriad of emotions every single day.
But I wouldn’t trade it for any other thing.
Saeed is going to be 10 months soon and he is a very active boy. :-p
He has started on solids, had his first 2 teeth, start to toddle without support and is still putting everything in his mouth. I’m trying to be the disciplinarian because the Papa cannot scold his son *faints* and every time I said No and make a fierce face, Saeed will have a look on his face. His eyes will scan my face (and they are practically screaming – Do you still love me mummy?) and I will almost falter each time and sometimes I’m crying in pain inside but I will have to continue making my stern face. But I always end with Mummy have to scold you but Mummy loves you. Sometimes I almost make threats but I promised to myself that threats are a big no no (let’s see how long this will last though).
Feeding Saeed solids have been exciting. It’s so nice to see him eat but now as he grows bigger, he’s getting fussier. The parents have been asking me to start him on porridge so I spent a couple of hours one Saturday making salmon porridge for him but all I got in return were amusing (but frustrating at the same time) gagging motions from Saeed. He abhors it. Yes ABHORS. I don’t know why. It’s mind boggling because it doesn’t have a funny taste or anything. In the end I gave up and ate the porridge with kicap cili padi. TSK. The next Monday the helper tried doing the same thing and got the exact same reaction. FAINTS FAINTS FAINTS. But if I give him ice cream (don’t judge me.. I used to say no to this for my baby too but the look of pure ecstasy on his face just makes me melt faster than a stick of solero under the hot sun but yes.. of course IN MODERATION is the key word here) he will eat without gagging. TSK TSK.
I missed his first steps which were witnessed by my mum and helper but they managed to record a bit of it for me. Now he can toddle around but there’s always an accompanied background sound – of mummy screaming while half closing the eyes. Yup.. I’m the screamer I promised never to be! But honestly, I am already restraining myself from many many more screams. I’m trying to bring him out as often as we can. The other day, we brought him to Jacob Ballas and the makcik in me almost didn’t let him play at the fountain. The thought of germs, catching a cold from the cold water+ wind and insects almost stopped him from having fun. But I allowed him to just do what he wanted and the look of glee on his face told me I made the right decision. Yup, I let him play.. in his diapers.. when there are other kids around. Come germophobic mums, let’s gasp together.
So yes, I really had to learn to loosen myself up. I even let him sit on a *gasp* baby chair at Tony Romas the other day. Yes, after using only about 4 wet wipes to clean it. Pat myself on the back. I’m a scaredy cat – I’m scared of insects and even harmless cats, pigeons etc.. but I’ve learnt to control my fear when Saeed is around as I want him to be pretty much fearless. I don’t allow the helpers to use threats at all. It’s not easy because you really have to watch what you say but I guess this is what parenting is all about. I think it will only get worst – imagine potty-training and when he needs to go to *gasp* go to public toilets. *faints* So yes, I’m going with the flow and trying to have less rules etc. I want my son to be a fearless, rugged boy so I have to let it go and let him go.
Can you believe Saeed is going to be 1 yr old in a couple of months? That’s too fast right. Sigh. Where did all that time go? I’m really trying desperately to spend as much time as a guilty working mummy can spend with the baby. It’s really an internal struggle to go to work and leave him in the care of others. I feel so guilty but at the same time I know I want to give him a better life too. There’s another battlefield here – the SAHM vs Working mum. It will never end.. but really ladies, we’re all sacrificing something for our little ones so let’s not judge each other.
Anyway, for his first birthday, we’ve decided to just make a small party and then go on a short vacation with our family and him. He won’t remember a birthday party and will prolly have more fun at the (very almost) seafront villa we’ve booked! (Mummy and Papa will have more fun too.. BAHAHA) I’m quite scared about taking the plane with him though. It’s gonna be less than a 2 hour flight but my little boy is super active so it’s not going to be easy. *sweats* But oh well, if you happen to be on the same flight, try not to kill me ok. But ooh, if you have some tips on how to survive a flight with a very active baby, please share with this desperate mummy!